I Am A Personal History: The Formation of a Sexual Consciousness

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Book Description:

A look into history tracing the development of consciousness through a line of thinkers accumulating in a sexual conception of the self. — Pamphlet – 33 pages © 1985, Revised Edition, 2010

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Excerpt From the Book:

I AM, Socrates
“Who are you?” I heard answers such as, “I am a shepherd” or “I am a potter.” I do not mean what do you do but “Who are you?” One man responded that he was a spirit. I asked him what he meant by that. He did not know. Another said he was only his body which disintegrated at death. I asked him how he knew that. He could not tell me. Most people I ask the question to just walk away. They apparently do not like that question, it seems to upset their equilibrium. It upsets mine some, too. (Page 3)

I AM, Augustine
It seems to me that I am on a journey, a journey of struggle to find my place in life. Shall I just have faith that life is its own place and contained within itself is its own purpose and direction? I seek solace from this struggle and feel relief when I accept my limitations and place my life into the hands of the life movement itself. (Page 7)

I AM, Schopenhauer
The answer is not so difficult. I only need ask myself what is it I must do to find the answer. I must engage my will. Without first a willingness to do something, to move or think for example, nothing happens. The reason why this inquiry into the question “Who am I?” is occurring is because of will. Take that will away and there isn’t any inquiry or process in motion at all. Take away will and there isn’t any life. Is not life but an enactment of the will to live? (Page 17)

I AM, Thoreau
In my center of solitude I experience myself alone, completely alone. From this true aloneness, and only from it, may I reach out and extend my hand to another whereupon if he, too, extends his hand, we may touch and join together in our own solitude. I only touch upon that purity. I need not hold malice towards any man, and will not receive malice from another man. (Page 21)

I AM, Martin Buber
Let us include this other in our conception of ourselves. Let us know that although we are an individuality so, too, are we a connection. If we do not know our touch with that other, we do not know it with ourselves. If we do not know the touch of our existence relationship, what do we or what can we possibly know? I hold my being in the relationship of myself and the other for I, am relationship. (Page 29)

Thinking About Thinking

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Excerpt From the Book: Sometimes thinking, as an instrument of consciousness, is criticized. Some people may be solely enveloped in their own thought. They actually appear separated from their own experience and distanced from the rest of the world. Instead of being with their own experience, they seem only to be thinking about it. We view such people as being detached from their own feelings or emotions. Indeed, this is possible and maybe even common but I can’t say that thinking in itself is to blame. Thinking is only a vehicle of identification of what is currently transpiring. It is more likely that one’s individual thinking is to blame, that it is not expansive enough to see the whole panorama open to one which includes the breath of experience. (Page 2)

One may then claim that we cannot know reality for what it is, that all we can know structurally or metaphysically is relationship-in-process, the process that is inclusive of thinking. But why not instead say that from the reality of relationship-in-process thinking occurs as an aspect of it, identifying what is, so that one may be conscious of reality. Thinking (as an endowment of what is, as being something that does exist and must thereby be included in our conception of what is) can only see reality as reality, for thinking is part and parcel of reality. This is to say that thinking is immanent to reality, or shall we say that the concept “reality” is immanent to thinking? Thinking does not distort reality because thinking itself in intrinsically aligned to reality, being a part of reality. To suggest that thinking by itself distorts reality is nothing less than to suggest that we, as living beings, distort life. We do not distort life; we are life. (Page 5) Read More…

Book Description:

In this treatise the author looks at thinking, its impetus, structure, demise, and, most importantly, its revitalization so necessary for our survival. — Pamphlet – 23 pages © 1985, Revised Edition, 2010

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Complete Excerpt (continued):

What this thinking process represents is the creative process itself, which is also our own sexual process of existence. The fact that thinking is actually sexual in nature is a crucial fact that, to date, has been overlooked. We will be looking closely into this as we proceed. But, for the moment, wouldn’t it be realistic to say that all processes are the same, a relationship between the division of the one and the unification of the two? Isn’t this process of division and unification the sexual process, and isn’t this also the same as the concentrative-decentrative interchange that constitutes thinking? Having not viewed thinking as sexual, we have failed to delineate male and female mentally as we have, to some degree, physically. In failing to make the sexual delineation in the mental realm, the mind, we are not able to understand consciousness or creation. (Pages 7-8)

The power of thinking is due to the fact that it is evaluative and proceeds to a position. Thinking results in a conclusion. To make a conclusion about something is to actually say something about something, i.e., this is the way this is. It is to make a statement, to declare, or to take a stand. Thinking is positive in this respect. It is never neutral. In this fact resides the potency of thinking. (Page 11)

To know creativity is to know cause, source, principle, standard, structure, order, imagination, inspiration…is to know balance. The creative process becomes (because it is) the exact process through which we integrate all information into order. It is our standard or base of interpretation holding true to its own process of creation. It is the breath or scope of our expression, ever deepening in clarity and immediacy. It is the anchor of our imagination ever reaching out in new creation. It is the source of our inspiration, a man and woman reaching out to each other. It is the one touch of love. (Page 21)

Choice

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Excerpt From the Book: But do we have choice? Here in the United States we had a revolution for liberty so that one could engage in the freedom to choose, which one must do to formalize one’s life. But just between you and I, I don’t feel so very free in my ability to choose. Metaphysically, yes, but in actuality, not so very free. Supposedly, we are free to choose, so in actuality one would think that we would be free to act upon that supposition. But I don’t think that is the case. There seems to be a number of people telling me what I can or can’t do. They somehow are controlling my choices saying I can only choose this or that, and worse, I don’t have the same right to control their choices. Something seems not quite right. (Page 2) Read More…

Book Description:

Do you have it? If not, why not? It may require us to look into this issue in more depth to see why, although we often think we posses choice in our lives, we often have little of it. — Pamphlet – 20 pages © 1985, Revised Edition, 2010

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Complete Excerpt (continued):

To not allow people a choice regarding the reception of something is the same thing as not allowing them a choice as to their giving of something. If someone says to us, “Give me your money or else,” most of us clearly know what that is. It is thievery. Is this any different from one saying to us, “Receive this at this cost, or else”? The issue here is choice. Does on have it or not? It does not matter whether one is demanding that we give or receive, if you are not at choice the action is thievery. And what inevitably accompanies thievery? Coercion. (Page 7)

In my defense of the individual, I do not suggest that the individual be considered before another in any self-other relationship. I do not advocate sole individualism for that, too, creates a self-other imbalance—me before you at all costs—that more often than not creates the counter imbalance of collectivism. I suggest both sides of any self-other relationship be considered metaphysically equal, thus preventing either side from substantiating a fundamental superiority over the other with the right to special privileges. Now, it does not matter what the lines are that one divides his self-other relationship upon. One may divide it in religious terms calling it “self-God,” or in political terms calling it “self-state,” and so forth. Regardless, both sides must be considered metaphysically equal for freedom of choice to exist. (Page 13-14)

For myself, I am a little tired of all the politicians telling me how important it is to vote, how it is my duty as a “freeman” while they just continue to tighten the purse strings. Why should I continue to play into their hands? Why shouldn’t I use this new metaphysics of choice and express my choice by not voting for the candidates and laws that only exist within the old parameter where the issue is not a choice whether to pay or not but only “how much”? Anyway, if Karl Marx can call for a worker’s revolution viaThe Communist Manifesto, I can call for a voter’s strike via the New Metaphysics of Choice. At least I can do this for myself—with liberty and justice for all. (Page 19)

The Abyss and Sexual Creation

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Excerpt From the Book: Come join me in an imaginary walk through the Abyss—a faraway place where things are so different. I will be happy to describe for you its peculiarity. I know it so well, having traveled there so many times. Come lend me an ear, I assure you that you will not be disappointed—I have much of interest to tell. In truth, I guess I just want someone to listen to me. I have been a trifle lonely in my time. I admit that. Won’t you join me? (Page 1)

What would happen to one if he were to lose his pretense of control?… “But I pretend to care for another. Jesus or somebody save me. It’s not my fault. It’s your fault. Yes, it always has been your fault for pretending to save me. You’re not going to leave this place either. Furthermore, you can carry your own cross. It’s too heavy for me. I will just bring the hammer and nails…” all the while one pretending that his own extinction is not happening, that he hasn’t slipped up and made the cardinal mistake of thinking he can escape the manifestation of his own thinking. Listen, we can hear another’s last scream. “I’ll get you for this.” (Page 6) Read More…

Book Description:

In this writing the author takes us to the depths of consciousness—a walk through the abyss and back out again.  — Pamphlet – 20 pages © 1985, Revised Edition, 2010

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Complete Excerpt (continued):

“I have come forth into this world, born of a man and a woman, to bring forth the message of male and female sexual creation. I have come to You as a sexual being, male or female, to offer You my sexuality. As I am in my sexuality a male, I come forth as a male to You, a female, to give to You my unique sexuality and receive the same from You. It is upon our sexualities as male and female that we together bring forth the creation of all that is life.” (Page 11)

Man, it is your time to rest. You have carved out your path. You have cleared the trail for me to safely walk. You have stood as man on the essence of sexual creation just as you have been called to do. Now let me take over. Let me complete the message of sexual creation as woman. Certainly, you must know that the message must go through me if it is to ever leave you and thereby release your soul. Come, come rest with me. (Page 15)

Yes, a complete touch. Come, my man–so tired of your many deaths, so tired of never coming back. Come unto me for your rest. I will always bring you back. That is my purpose. Why do you make this so hard? Why has it taken so long for you to see me? Thousands of years-looking to everything but me for your completion while I have always been here, waiting, ready to take your life into me and rebirth it out of me. Now you know–just as I know. Yes, I have always been here. Just one more step–let yourself go–trust me completely as I have had to trust you—surrender–surrender your soul to me, into me. Let me now complete my purpose with you. (Page 17)

The Defense Rests: A Freeman’s Bill of Rights

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Excerpt From the Book:

Judge H. Mr. Articulate, will you please step forward. How do you plead, guilty or not guilty?

Mr. A. Have I committed some crime? Where does it say that I must file an income tax return?

Judge H. Not this story again. The courts say you must file. I say you must file, understand? So please enter your plea.

Mr. A. Yes, I understand. Just checking. That is not the direction I want to proceed in anyway. I plead not guilty.

Judge H. Not guilty? Did you file or not? Did you pay the government the two thousand dollars?

Mr. A. No, I did not.

Judge H. How then can you plead not guilty? Are you one of these “children of God,” free from all earthly domains? Or maybe the I.R.S. is really illegal?

Mr. A. Maybe.

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Book Description:

A dialogue and commentary tracing the reasoning behind one man’s call for a system of economic freedom. — Pamphlet – 30 pages © 1985, Revised Edition, 2010

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Complete Excerpt (continued):

Judge H. Look, I have heard just about every line there is, from the Fifth Amendment to the unconstitutionality of paper money to the lack of jurisdiction of the courts, all so one can weasel out of paying his taxes. So please excuse me if I already appear tired of your story. But the law says I must give you your day in court, so let’s hear your defense, and try and make it interesting if you will.

Mr. A. The reason I did not pay the government the two thousand dollars they say I owe them (and thus did not file an income tax return) is because that money, the two thousand dollars, is mine.

Judge H. I’m sorry, what?

Mr. A. Yes, that money is mine. I own it. I am the one to tell the government what I shall do with it, not the other way around.

Judge H. This is your defense, that the money is yours? What is this, some kind of joke? The money is yours?

Mr. A. Yes, the money is mine. All the money I earn is mine.

Judge H. Well, that is simple enough. You would think I would have heard this defense before. Interesting, but not serious. I can’t take this seriously.

Mr. A. Serious or not, it is still my money. I earned it, no one else.

Judge H. Granted, the money you earn is your own. But that does not exempt you from paying for the services you receive from your government.

Mr. A. Technically, you are right. One should pay for any good or service received. But furthermore, one should possess the choice as to whether or not he wants to purchase that good or service. I choose at this time not to buy the current government service and therefore I own them nothing.

Judge H. But you have already chosen to buy the service of this government. You are a citizen of this country. You partake in this democratic process of ours that allows you your choice.

Mr. A. If I am allowed choice then what am I doing here? …     (Pages 1-2)

Selected Writings

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Excerpt From the Book: The Selected Writings Excerpts:

• I AM – A Personal History: The Formation of a Sexual Consciousness
• The New Trinity
• Man and Woman Forever
• The Balanced Budget: A Way of Life [read excerpt]
• Why I Am Not A(n):
• The Defense Rests: A Freeman’s Bill of Rights [read excerpt]
• The Abyss and Sexual Creation [read excerpt]
• Choice
• Thinking About Thinking [read excerpt]

Book Description:

A collection of the author’s earlier writings which includes: I AM—A Personal History: The Formation of a Sexual Consciousness; The New Trinity; Man and Woman Forever; The Balanced Budget: A Way of Life; Why I Am Not A(n); The Defense Rests: A Freeman’s Bill of Rights; The Abyss and Sexual Creation; Choice; and Thinking About Thinking. — 213 pages © 1988, Revised Edition, 2010

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